User blog comment:Commander Marko/Character Discussion (+ Mirage's Lore)/@comment-1330314-20141216141502

There's a lot of good stuff here! I like how you're tying Mark's character to a narrative, and showcasing his powers through a fight scene. A champion's lore should convey why they're League-grade material, and your story does a very good job of it. Things I'd suggest improving:
 * First off, your story needs to be grounded a bit more in Runeterra. Aside from brief mentions of Piltover and Ionia, this story could be happening literally anywhere, anytime. It's good that you've come up with a lot of original characters and locations, but Runeterra already has extremely well-defined territories, which you should be talking more about. What is this city-state of Choten? Why is it relevant? How come nobody has mentioned it at any point? What is its relation to the other nations and city-states of Runeterra?
 * Similarly, you might want to give a bit more background to this sect of elders and archivists: what's the deal with them? What's so important about Technomancers? Again, how do they tie into the rest of League canon?
 * While Mark (Mirage?) is certainly awesome and powerful, he lacks a drive: what is his conflict or motivation? What does he do, and why does he do it? It doesn't have to be super-complicated ( is just a mindless beast who lives to kill, eat and reproduce, for example), but in the case of a human or humanoid it would be nice to have some kind of conflict that the champion is trying to resolve, which can be personal or just a larger aspiration (such as 's duty to Demacia, or 's love for science).
 * Not essential for a fan-made champion, but how do Technomancers tie into, say, champions like and ? Viktor's a techno-mage, and Jayce is a hero inventor: is the niche you're trying to carve out sufficiently different from these champions? How do they differ? How would they interact?

Overall, you have a good base for your character, and what you just need to do now is flesh him out a bit: dig a little deeper, and try to make him feel like he'd fit naturally into the current canon, while also giving him human drives and motivations (or a total absence of one or either, which could be a kind of viable conflict in itself). Congrats on the great work so far, and best of luck!