User blog comment:GreenMoriyama/Nine, the Magus of Elemancy (collab w-Lesdin)/@comment-4091261-20170913151704/@comment-3391671-20170915061759

So what I'm taking from this string of messages, I (we) had made some mistakes, as per usual with any content creator.

First off, because of how much bulk of story there is, I need to alleviate the scare as Primus mentions. Some methods would be to change the release style, which we could have done. Instead of all of it at once, it could have been steady with about two or so chapters a week. Second would be to make long paragraphs shorter so that blocks of text don't make people go "OMG this is too much." Details in between such long deliberations can help make dialogue seem less droning. Lastly, if I had LoL related content to connect Nine to it, I should prioritize that before entering more original content. The LoL related stuff are surely hidden through the text, and aren't as obvious until you get a good read; examples are mentioned by Double Slap, where the first story is during the Noxian invasion, but does not give reference to that until a bit later. Ifrit has some backstory with the Darkin, and the Institute chases after them too, but those two don't come out until 3, 4 chapters into the story.

Next, as Double Slape points out, Ifrit needs a better introduction. As much as he is a critical character, not much is told of him until a few chapters in. Even then, only so much is divulged. The issue branches out from how I know Ifrit, because I created his concept, but that is not the case for readers. Thus, I should dedicate chapters that do come before that first backstory chapter about Nine, to show the origins of Ifrit and his almighty power, than just informing it on the side. In the first place, he didn't have much going on, so if I had chosen to make him more important, I should have magnified that in his impressions too in Nine's intro paragraph.

Double Slap has the right idea though: I wrote Nine's story with the intention that the intro, plus those two side stories will be what people read first to understand how powerful she is. Then, if they want to, they will read her deeper lore, which isn't some kind of oversimplified story. If need be, I can write up a summary of some kind of the deeper lore for reader's convenience.