User blog comment:Witchking99/Saburra, The Desert Slaughterer/@comment-3391671-20170315045030

NuminousJ has already made some mentions that I would have made. Thus reducing how much I need to say.

In the end, this is the other half of Saburra that was to be released from the original design. I find it nice to see them split, as this kit here is simple but solid.


 * Moving onto the innate, aside from the need for rewording below, I too find this passive alright. He may be a mage, but as a -tank mage, having worth in his AA doesn't sound far-fetched.
 * For the rewording itself, I would go with the following: "Fists of Sand: Saburra’s basic attacks are permanently modified to deal physical damage equal to the combination of and .  Sand Affliction: Saburra’s basic attacks and abilities will apply  to enemies for 4 seconds, its duration refreshing with each application. Enemies with  will be dealt 50% more damage from Saburra’s abilities."
 * Fists of Sand: Saburra’s basic attacks are permanently modified to deal physical damage equal to the combination of and .  Sand Affliction: Saburra’s basic attacks and abilities will apply  to enemies for 4 seconds, its duration refreshing with each application. Enemies with  will be dealt 50% more damage from Saburra’s abilities.


 * Nothing much to comment on Q, aside from removing that one quotation mark at the end of the description.
 * I was going to apply something similar to one of my upcoming champions. Not that I'm surprised a barrier that can be doubled up for offensive use is common.
 * I've preached before of how having a resistant scaling (/) on barrier health may not be the healthiest approach, but I'll let it only be a passing remark. No one has said much, and I'll respect it as much that it's part of Saburra’s theme to have scaling on everything.
 * I would flatten the recharge rate and out of combat duration. Having them scale grants a bit too much overlapped benefits in ranking the ability.
 * Rewording of the active: "Saburra drains his barrier to crush a target enemy, dealing to the target and enemies marked with  equal to 100% of the consumed barrier health."
 * Saburra drains his barrier to crush a target enemy, dealing to the target and enemies marked with  equal to 100% of the consumed barrier health.


 * The sandstorm is a nice idea to offer Saburra something mage-like, since the other two abilities feel more like tank-focused abilities (point-blank AoE; W is a mix of both with a defensive barrier and a mage-tank offense).
 * I've been removing references to in the ability descriptions, since the application of them are already mentioned in the innate. Thus here, you only need to say that enemies are damaged and nearsighted. For the W-barrier portion, indent it (as in, put it in its own paragraph). For fine details, since the sandstorm applies every half-second for enemies, do the same for the on-Saburra effect (10% every half-second).
 * I notice that this E is more spammable than Q... which I usually find weird. Other champions do have Q's with a longer CD, but for this, Sandstorm should be have a longer CD so that the player will use it more wisely than it can be used now.
 * Avoid the use of words such as "massive." They may be used here and then, but magic damage is magic damage. It also gets a bit meme-ish when used in such a way, as if you are using the phrase "tons of damage" =w=
 * I have a few nitpicks with this ult, but most of it is from a thematic standpoint, such as reinstating a channel, but for the first one second only instead (because currently, even if a champion is fast, they need to have about 80 more MS or a dash to get out of range in time; he may not have any other CC or a means to gap close, but even then, something feels unescapable about this ability <.<
 * Once again, other ideas are more thematic gripes, not mechanical.

As for the backstory... it's a good one, if not fantastic. Definitely not horrible. However, I feel rather confused as to what is the original personality of Saburra, since it starts out as if he was originally menacing in the first place, when midway, it makes him out to sound like a. This just needs a bit of writing, but I presume from the start you want Saburra to be painted as someone who could have been a good guy, but because of what he had gone through, he's gone down the "no more mister nice guy" road...