User blog comment:Manafai/Beatrix - The Coordinator/@comment-3391671-20170118140737

Seems like Kassyndra has tapped on a few aspects I would have liked to touch on, but I'll try to avoid echoing her too much.

Kit
Before I get into the depths of the abilities, take note that my first impression of the ability at a glance is not the best. I tend to be key about "," and when I see the length of your abilities almost looking like mini-essays, I worry if that burden is entailed. If not, good. If so, then off to getting those ability concise.
 * One way I tend to measure if an ability has is by the "summary" method: can the majority of the ability's mechanics be summarized in two or three sentences (alright if sentences are placed together with conjunctions)? Can a normal player (from Bronze to Plat) be able to memorize, recognize and play whole-mindedly the specific ability, or are there too many underlining details?

Innate - Scrap= One Man's Junk seemingly features five different aspects, which would discourage. Who knows? It was not simplified and can be funneled down into fewer, more meaningful effects. Q - Tankbot= Just with Jorgen, I'm getting this vibe that Beatrix may be a puppeteer champion. What do I mean by puppeteer? From how I would describe it, a puppeteer champion would ideally have up to three or four pets which they can summon with each of their abilities, and is able to control some if not all of them like one would for. Because of this though, I believe it is best if you made a separate section below the abilities dedicated to the pets so that the ability descriptions are not bloated; check out and 's page to understand what I refer to. W - Flying Zingers= And now, I believe I'll revoke my remark about Beatrix being a puppeteer. I'll try to let then change my judgement of her from here on, but you could say this was a bit of a let down, seeing that these robots are not independent pets, but simple -clones. E - Relief Droid= I've never been a fan of letting objects have a "X hit worth of health," possibly due to how it makes supports just as effective as ADCS, and visa-versa. It makes it so that supports can help take out these "objective," but it also looks like a lazy choice when applied to pets. This is especially the case for Carlotta, who is not a unit-targeted "pet" but an area target being of her own. R - Time to Enhance= I don't know if being able to collect Scrap passively without incentive is the way to go. I would make it so that Beatrix has to be out of combat if anything. That way, gaining Scrap passively will actually feel like she's taking her time to pick up stray odds & ends.
 * Junk's Scrap mechanic seems intriguing, as it is similar to 's Souls in the sense that they drop from enemies and need to be picked up, but differs as it is a more immediate resource. Some items can be streamlined, such as using templates & the tooltip to hide text that are in paranthesis, while making other items seem more interesting, such as expanding on the dropped scrap to max scrap ratio.
 * For example, the ability could be revised to the following: "Every non-monsters, both allied or enemy, that die near Beatrix will drop  Scrap that remains for 6 seconds before disappearing. Scoring a kill or an assist on a champion will always drop Scrap, dropping  Scrap. Beatrix can pick these up by  and is able to hold up to  at any time."
 * I played with some items, but hopefully gets the idea across of what I would see into making this innate more interactive and interesting. Also, if you have questions about how to word items, such as the "when picking up items" part, consult official abilities that feature a similar effect (in this case being and ).
 * Core features another item drop, this time from Beatrix's allied robots. Starting to feel like an RPG, but whatever. This is not too complicated so none to mention for now.
 * I am presuming Jorgen, Drone and Carlotta are effects that occur when picking up these Hex Cores. If so, it should noted, since it gives the impression that there are five innates, not two innates with one branching into three sub-innates.
 * Otherwise, the effects for all three are simple. Jorgen offers a shield; Drone gives Beatrix's next basic attack an extra kick on it by providing CC; Carlotta heals Beatrix and an ally.
 * Seeing the above, some items simply need to be clarified more, such as the Hex Core mechanic. Otherwise, I cannot say much until I see how the basic/ult abilities work together with this innate. For now, it fits to her theme as a Junkyard mechanic and if tuned is an alright innate.
 * Onto Jorgen himself, he is a defensive bot (who has a very sad title, why?) that is meant to absorb damage. This though sadly makes him nothing more than a long-lasting than being an individual pet of his own.
 * The overlap with resistances (health, / & damage resistance) is a no-go. In one ability shouldn't there be an overlap of any of these three, as it essentially is redundancy. And with how you have all three in one, that's redundancy squared, if that means anything. Either a champion has increased health, better resist through / or block out damage.
 * The attack speed slow on enemies is alright, but would be nice if that duration scaled a bit. For now, 1 second of reduced attack speed is not entirely noticeable in the early game, at least I wouldn't think it would be noticeable.
 * Why would Jorgen shut down (and eventually self destruct) just by being away from Beatrix? I understand has it with his, but that is there to also not allow three turrets to defend a line while he visits the shop.
 * I believe the CC on Jorgen should be left alone. If he's, he's stunned. If he's , let him be knocked up. I do not see much merit in having him "deactivate" for 2.5 seconds from a 0.5 second.
 * Moving onto the second part of Q, it would make more sense if Jorgen is healed more when more Scrap is consumed, right?
 * For a champion who makes robots out of junk, I would still expect there to be costs in constructing the bots. Without the cost, it's as if she summons them out of thin air, only to receive Hex Core out of no where. While her resource is Scraps, I believe she should still use Mana so that her abilities does not need to incur such long cooldown to balance the no-costs.
 * You should make a good difference between the consumption of current Scrap and max Scrap. I would think that making drones would cost the same (thus be based off max Scrap); if you have them based on "current Scrap" I can only imagine that consuming 5 Scrap at 50 Scrap would create a dinky drone compared to a much bulkier one when consuming 25 at 250 Scrap. If these three drones are consistent (especially with a name), it would be awkward if casting multiple times this ability shrinks them down as they are summoned.
 * This also copies off to that magic damage, which should be not be related to Beatrix's Scrap value but more of her or.
 * I do not know how you make the direction choices for the designs, but I find myself disagreeing or thinking differently for some of the Drones' effects.
 * First off, there is a bit too much flavour text, although it is not as bad as some others. A bit is fine, but the ability descriptions describe the mechanics of an ability. I know that for some people, they do it because they do not have a method of how they display in-game, but even then, the mechanics should be priority before expansive details.
 * I understand the limit of having only 3 drones "active," but I thought it would be cool to let an ally have more than one Drone. Just imagine how much wreaking havo-, I mean, how interesting it will be to see a, riding around as all three drones shoot away at enemies. Of course, multiple drones on one ally should have reduced effectiveness so that they are not overpowered, but not being able to place them on the same ally sort of gates interesting interactions. Should I put it on three different allies, or lay them all on the tank?
 * I don't quite agree with making the drones being destroyed with two basic attacks if they are more likely to be hit by AoEs. Logic isn't always part of the game, but I feel this was the dodging of a damage calculation flaw than a real design choice.
 * Why should the Drones stop if the ally is stunned? They already attack independently from the target, so why the sudden "we won't attack if you are not able to"? This may be a way for there to be counterplay to the Drones, but I do not whole-hearted believe this is the way to go.
 * The shock mechanic with Drones near each other is a nice touch in that it creates teamwork play... but I'm not for this because while it can provide plays based off coordination, it can be placed on you and an ally anyways and cause the slows just because you stand around your ally. In the first place, that slow can become rather annoying for the opponent since the combination of a slow getting stronger and the duration getting longer for consecutive hits make escaping a frustrating task and too intuitively rewarding to the two "coordinating" allies. That on the third hit only makes it a worse case
 * Some of these aspects make me question what is the purpose of the ability in the first place: is it supposed to ally the target to deal more damage to nearby enemies one-by-one, or is it a coordination tool to provide that effect?
 * This may be tied to how you are trying to make Beatrix a tank/support, but I'm iffy about the scaling. I'm not entirely fond when a part of a champion's ability mechanic is based off their role, not the opposite around. Mechanics typically should determine the class they work for, unless design choices make sense, which doesn't seem so here for me.
 * A similar argument for the "current Scrap" also applies here from above. How does your own current Scrap level affect the healing when the ability does not consume it at all?
 * Aside from those, this ability is nice in that it is a castable AoE heal that none of the champions currently have as a basic ability. I do questions some of the values and how intuitive it would be, but that would be the same as saying why has his simple.
 * Is there a cooldown for this ult?
 * One thing that I will criticize about this ability is that it feels like 's ult (maybe even his old ult), except it's not a toggle. The "enhanced" effect for each are rather sweet, although they are another . Even with the thematic and the fact it would be cool to see a tanky robot, a fleet of Drone Bros, or a heavenely healer Carlotta, it does not change that this ult is similar if not the same to Heimer's ult.
 * Looking at each individual effect, I cannot say much since it's a bunch of random add-ons to the three abilities, with lots of info for little actual depth.
 * Jorgen’s upgrade simply makes him tankier (making his redundant square resistance redundancy cubed). It slows the target by a insignificant . If Jorgen is already summoned, it revitalizes him... and that's all. Pretty plain, although likely visually amusing.
 * Drone Bros seems like an amazing idea since you can apply Drones to everyone (who are the two new bros?). They have enhanced damage... and that's pretty much all.
 * Carlotta has the seemingly short end of stick, receiving a shield for affected allies and having a lowered effective heal for a longer duration. I don't know why you had chosen this for the ability.

I'm together with Kassyndra about the theme being interest. Others have pulled an engineer theme, but this one is still unique. However, the execution is admittedly poor due to how the kit, although possibly interesting at a glance, is no more than a typical support with point-click abilities, not any actual mechanical gizmoes as all the robots aside from Carlotta are only "units" in name and could easily be replaced by "hextech technology shield/drone". You missed the opportunity in making these robots alive than silly dead pawns.

Moving onto strategy (lore is my main core, so I'll do it last), I find it that you criticize some aspects of the game, yet fall short of what you say. For example, you say supports are boring, but I'm sorry to say that Beatrix is in her own way boring. She could be visually exciting, but her mechanics fall way under. You claim that Beatrix would be "a very flexible and active support, giving you an assortment of playmaking options without giving you that "well, time to wait for this ability to cooldown" too much." To be honest, she actually contains the same issues you pointed out because her abilities rely on being apply and wait for cooldown; Jorgen can be recasted, but he's a stale piece of metal that rusts as he simply limps from one ally to another.

Scrap= Scrap may be an intriguing feature, but I'm skeptical that it's as impactful as you say it is. When looking at the abilities, the way they scale and how they affect abilities are actually low impact. Aside from her Drones, Scrap doesn't affect her much until she gets a rank in her ult. Even then, the ult becomes a huge faucet for dumping all your current Scrap into a single ability, nothing I would call intuitive or fun.

The idea of staying safe or being risky is very concurrent with that one man who has the same pick-up-collect feature:. In his case though, he's made to be personalyl tanky enough so that getting the souls is worth the risk. For Beatrix, you create this game where risks can be taken, but it's optional. By the late game, since teamfights will be more or less not voluntary anymore, the early game can be taken quite passively. Admittedly, because Beatrix lacks any innate sturdiness, taking the risks is not always worth the Scrap she picks up. Staying Active= While I can agree the heal for Jorgen or the cost of the Drones will keep the player from being inactive, I do not think you have cemented what is the actual issue with supports and how "boring" they can become. For many supports, what bores people not used to the patient play-style is that they are a click-heal-and-wait game. Although you try to make Beatrix mroe active, I do not believe this exactly alleviates the issue. In truth, this only gives the support more senseless tasks that are more chores than actual meaningful gameplay. This is obvious reflective that in real life, the best of deeds are perform repeatedly with perseverance, but one has to admit, only the more patient support-mains would ever opt to hit the buttons like a robot and run fetch quests for their resources. Working Together= I can easily agree that Beatrix basic abilities are supportive of her allies (thus making her more support than tank), as they all offer either a way to get into a fight, fight better in a fight, or recover from a fight. Even then, this is less working together and Beatrix being like any other support. What I see as working together is a who uses his  to stack 3 times on each enemy to let an ally score the fourth triggering effect. I see little being argued with "boring skill combinations" when Beatrix's ability are also at a similar level of being plain.

I'm surprised you did not mention anything about the electricity of the Drones. While I'm not in support of having those in the skillset, I would have expected you to call that mechanic part of the teamwork you were striving for. either you forgot, or it was a last minute addition. The One Fatal Decision= Summon told me that having resource only being used half-heartedly through current scalings is upsetting, since you never reach the true maximum or minimum in one combo. Also, if you think getting a Heimerdinger-like ult is what will make Beatrix shine "with true potential," then I find that you may be mistaken how to really make ability be interest in both name and mechanics. If creating tankier bots, more Drones and a better Heal is the primary way to become a better Engineer, my apologies to those who pursue that career. I would expect innovation, not just simple improvements.

Just to add, the passive 1% passive counteracts the "risk" play you mentioned earlier. Because she builds it passively, she does not need to be frantic about taking risks anymore. While I like that you consider how the objectives in a game changes over the duration of the game, I do not find it being the sole reason to paste a 1% passive regeneration of Scraps. As mentioned above, it should be more intuitive than that.

I haven't read the lore yet, as referred to above, but from what Kassyndra has said, I can only believe my statement about these robots being dead is no more than true than the truth itself. As someone who indulges in lore, if I haven't said so enough, it's not something I take lightly.

Lore
From what I see with lore, Kassyndra nails it that Beatrix seems to look like yet another Zaunite hopeful who is put down by reality. Sobby-sad stories are sad, but enough of those. I'm sure there are people out their who are teemed by the judging eyes of society, but all we see is Beatrix running from them. Zaun was understandable as you establish that she isn't fervent in getting every experiment down, although she could have stayed in the same vein as. But with Piltover, you simply make her the outcast and do nothing about it. Also, plot hole in that she was expelled because of prejudice done upon her, which would look bad on the record for Piltover's academy.

It may be much assuming of me, but the very story you write is something that is childish, as I've seen similar stories in recent movies for the young adults (such as Disney). These have deliberate plot holes to continue the story, and for League (and to me), those Plot Holes are not as forgivable unless retconing had happened. Instead of being kicked out of the system, it would make more logical sense if Beatrix took the underdog approach of staying in the system, simultaneously finding the "treasure" within the junkyard, and take to build these bots. Having her take time gives weight that she didn't simply make makeshift bots in a few days but actually took time and passion to build them together.

Even if these stories weren't meant to be fables, an intriguing story also hold some motivation or moral within them. Something that shows the growth of the character or a lesson they have learnt. For Beatrix, while you state "it doesn't take reckless morals or fancy education to become a scientist, just a spark of passion and the willpower to follow it," the story only did that in the last three sentences. The build-up did nothing to build up to that fact, so I am sore in the eye from seeing these simple transitions.

My thoughts
One thing I find myself doing often is placing my own twist on others' creations. If the idea has potential, and something comes to mind, I put it out. Yet, that also leaves a bitter aftertaste that the concept at hand is still in the other's possession, while I had offered some, if not many, modifications. I have taken other people's champions ( being my prime example of this), took them as a base and improved upon them to be "unique" enough if they were not unique in the first place. But as I write this down, I don't to take this road with every champion I come across; as neat as it is, since it brushes up my innovative skills, it does not change how in some way I am being unoriginal. I make these markers, and at times it only makes me become possessive of these ideas that were not even mine to begin with. I could do what I did with Judaeth, but then I would be what I call a, someone who supposed shows his skills by riding the shoulders of original creations that were not theirs.

Enough talk of me. I like where this champion was going, but I feel that things crumbled when you delved deeper into the champion. The lore is subpar and holds little ground to being a story I would like to indulge in. In the meanwhile, her kit features mechanics that make irony of what you intended with Beatrix: to be a more intuitive and entertaining champion to support-tank as, when in truth, she is still a one-combo circus. I recommend starting from condensing abilities down to be more significant than being point-click bots that are not actually an individual. AS for the story... that is an issue with story telling and parsing facts from pure fiction. I feel pity Beatrix who, while caring of her bots as apparent through dialogue & not lore, has to toss her bots around in such rigid ways.