User blog comment:ViciousWombat/Phobos/@comment-3391671-20170118223125/@comment-3391671-20170121060624

I also thank you for your cortious response. I too made sure I didn't treat you like a newcomer just because of your absence. I've already have had one incident of making that mistake, so if I have made that impression upon you, I apologize formost.

Otherwise, welcome back. Things have changed with leagues, so it may have been more about getting used to the changes, or it may be me being hyper-critical. May it be well, nonetheless.

For MS, add in "ms=" for it instead, not "mov.speed=".

Onto abilities:

Once again, one of the issues with the kit came from how you had Phobos hinge too much on his sister, which pulled him away from being a lunatic, and just an obsessed sis-con in some scope. It's fine to keep Aretha bound to Phobos, but there just needs to be some changes to the names and mechanic to reflect the other sides of his theme.
 * As a raging zealot, it would be nice if was added to being part of his kit, as if he is funneling his spiritual rage into his attacks. You can keep the AS reduction, but an outright removal of bonus AS gain has been done enough for the while, both in official champions and custom ones.
 * It's not necessarily a broken mechanic, but looking at the weapon Phobos uses, that hammer is not going to reach as far as 700 units. does just that with his axe, but in his case, he is erupting the ground with it. Since that is already taken, all you need to do is shorten the range, and make it look more "logical" in the sense that the center of impact is around 200 units away, the range of his AA. And instead of overcomplicating it, just let the entire range . It has the channel time anyways, so that would balance out the damage and stun duration.
 * If you do want this ability to have extended range, the range beyond 250 or so can be a shockwave of some kind that has increased range and damage based on time channeled (maximum damage will only be a fraction of the hammer damage). IT can lightly slow enemies.
 * One thing is that while it's fine to take the median between two existing abilities, it sadly limits how developed an ability can become.
 * As for the logic behind the way it works, if he doesn't even want to separate from her in the first place, why even throw the !?
 * I also notice the lack of innovation in names, and how they do not make as much sense. Aretha is not the one upset, so why is the W called "Aretha's Outrage"? The same applies for the other abilities, so take note if the names make actual sense.
 * I don't mind CD reduction, but I will say that reasoning it with "Because X champion has it" is less effective than if you say "because it would help Phobos in lane."
 * I can understand why you want to transfer over the abilities of characters from other games, especially MOBAs. I've done it, and others have. However, with MOBAs specifically, since they run on the same mechanics but with different rules & balances, you need to be mindful of how you add them in.
 * In this case, RIOT discourages having abilities that actively reduces a champion defenses to only bolster it later with some enhanced power; admittedly, the way it works does produce an enhanced healing and in some way is unique, but this could be simplified so that the negative stats are not necessary. RIOT also wants to avoid lack of counterplay, where fighting the champion would annoy people because they feature a frustrating mechanic (in this case, negating all damage taken with a heal equal to all damage taken). alreasdy has something similar, but it's entirely a shield and is only for a percentage of the damage taken.
 * also features a heal based off damage taken, but once again, it's heal is a fraction of the damage dealt and it is an ult.
 * Any tank needs defense or sustain, but adding just any effect will not make them an intriguing tank, especially if the effect doesn't hold synergy with the kit.
 * I don't know what to say about the effect, aside from how you've made a melee artillery tank, which is not something I wouldn't be prepared for. This is especially the case since the way this ability works is contrary to gameplay logic: in most cases, unless you are the tank, you want to avoid an attack. If you are an ADC, you want your tank teammate to take the brunt of 's ult. But here, people have to learn that being the last hit champion is the ideal way for a tank to save an ADC from being pulled. Even with that information though... only the pros will ever get used to this mechanic. If the ability dragged all enemies in, maybe. But this exception could make the ability hard to deal with.
 * I'll foremost say that I too am an anime fan. Even then, I place a standard that I do not let reference sources fully dictate how an ability works. Once they become an ability here, they need to be balanced but also have purpose in the kit thematically and as part of the kit. Anime, and many other fictional media, are filled with ideas, but you need to moderate it to where you are porting the idea to.

Being criticized should not equate scrapping them. What should be done first is to see how to change/rework the abilities i response to what has been commented on. Scrapping is not good since, as a designer, you do not practice how to balance the aspects of abilites, which is a critical skill once you find something resonating in the kit. Dumping abilities can also be seen as a default escape from criticism, because you do nothing to self-reflect on the actual, without bettering the abilities first.

I would also stay with Mana. swapping resources on whim is not a good idea.

Lore
If this makes you feel better, I'm used to this. There are people who are good at writing, while others are not. I could also say I've seen far worse bios, so rest assured, my eyes are not burnt out of their socket.

If you want to two to be great siblings, then you need to establish both characters. While Aretha had her moments to shine, the pacing of the story caused her to lack the development that should establish her as a more critical, pivotal character i nthe whole scheme of things. Without it, she's a plot device with a one-sided personality. And you saw, I made a misunderstanding because that line was vague of its intentions too.

Meanwhile, much is attempted to be explained for Phobos, but because you make him such a meek character, much is denied from him unintentionally. I'm alright with the strong sister to weak brother type of archetype, yet just like any story cliche, just inserting it in will not cement the successful use of the trope.

I'm fine if a champion is connected to an existing one, but make sure they are not entirely bound. It has been somewhat proven that when you bind a champion too much to another (prime example being to, as the former has no purpose without the latter), they one who relies on the other is a weak character. Thus, limit how much reference you make, or else the character loses face of where they can present themselves as a vlaid character.

I could go on to rewrite the story, but that is only if you ask for the help.

Ending Thoughts
That's the way to go! Enraged Zealot, Sister imbued in the hammer and fear becoming the fuel of his anger can help make him a more established character. If you ever need help, just send me a message through the message wall in the event.