User blog comment:Beri98/Marrow - The Bone Mage/@comment-3391671-20170524005324

A quick review of this champion, a bone champion is much welcomed. I too have had thoughts, but admittedly, it's either a rip-off off another bone-using ninja or is simply just me drumming on rib-cages for weird ideas. Anyways onto the quick review (and getting back into the magic of being a critic).


 * Stats: I took the liberty as a mod to see if you had written out actual stats, seeing that they are not displaying above, but it seems like you didn't. This would typically mean that this custom champion is a WIP, but I will wait around to see if you are considering stats as a factor to Marrow's playstyle.
 * Innate: My worries are first on Vitality . First, it's supposed to be Marrow's resource outside . But it increases and increases, but is not associated to any costs or any form of decrease. Why have it beyond the fourth spell cast? What is its importance than being four stacks that enhance abilities?
 * The application to ability enhancement is also worrisome in that it is bland and simple. A key to making a successful champion is not only a good kit, but one that is intriguing. Simple "at X resource, boost ability effect, and at more, decrease cost" is a bit too passive in nature. Passives in general are fine, but it means there is less noticeable interaction between the summoner's in-game decision making and the results they get. This also stems from my concerns over Vitality as a resource, when it's currently a really dry one.
 * The second innate is also of concern since it's essentially a stat boost that is akin to a part of 's passive ( -> ). The second part to it is a passive. I recommend finding what other ways you can enhance Marrow's uniqueness, since the idea of "bones" is their only standing uniqueness.
 * Q: I will presume this is a skillshot, since it says "first enemy hit." Otherwise, there isn't much to say for this basic ability.
 * What I will say is the wording. The effects of the enhanced damage and slow is a simple +50% increase. Why not describe it as such? As for the reduced cost, I wonder why it's a decrease in cost, than being something simple, such as a 33% reduction. To think effectively in regards to efficiency, health cost reduction is better early on than later on, with a difference between a 44% reduction to a 33% one.
 * W: When referring to an AoE with a cast range, it is necessary to have both ranges. Here, which one does 775 apply to: the AoE radius/diameter, or the cast range? Either way, one is missing.
 * At first I was erked that the health restore could restore full health cost at 50% Vitality, and even more so with a , but my worry came most in how much the 100 Vitality reduced the cost, which is essentially half. Champions that do have health costs and an associated healing tend to have strict conditions (single target, needs to kill target to full refund) or have less effective healing conditions ( can only heal at 15% efficiency of the damage he deals). Here, Marrow has a healing that essentially can restore more health than its cost, very easily due to the innate that needs a rework/clarification.
 * E: I don't have any direct comments for this ability, but the point-click nature of this has me worried. The bonus effects are also not as intriguing, as it's essentially a 0.4 sec to 1 sec increase in root time, along with a 70% cost reduction, although it's a charge based ability so reducing cost may not be as helpful. Once again, lookout for how the innate can be improved, as its the main crutch of the kit atm.
 * R: And the ult. would like to say hello with his, since this R is simply the same, with a more immediate branching out period. I don't know if this is the best way to go with the ult, as it's not only unoriginal, but also not as.
 * Theme/backstory: Without any effective backstory, the champion is less appealing. However, if you are avoiding putting simple lore that may actually invite criticism for "lackluster work," then I believe it's an understandable decision. Yet, even if the lore you have in mind may not be the best, write it out. Critics like myself are willing to help mold the story in a given way. Without it though, Marrow is just a champion with all bones but no organs (pun intended).

I would look around to capitalizing on a kit mechanic theme for Marrow, as that is where it is lacking. You have a kit theme of bones, but what the mechanics of the kit is supposed to do seems to be rather sparse around the idea of health cost and health damage, which has been already done by champions such as. I would also sharpen up to see something behind Marrow than a simple custom champion, as there may be something from lore that could enhance the legibility of the kit.