User blog comment:Erikah Mabayo/Martha, the Demonic Valkyrie/@comment-3391671-20170924212355

Hmm... so this is Martha in her Beta form. Looks nice and fleshed out thus far, but are the contents the same? Well, that is why I am here to criticize.

Let me start where I am strongest: theme and backstory.

With a gaze, Martha's story is filled, although of beginner level of fantasy. Not necessarily bad, but if you claim that story building is not your strength, then it does show. Martha is being shown to be "strong" left and right, but all of them are lacking in reason. The obvious effect is to show her compentence, but how did she become s general at 12 years old? She fights the likes of and others in "friendly matches" but what is her "skill" in all this? There are a lot of unanswered questions as to her fighting style, and you should solidify it. For now, Martha does feel like a bit of a Noxian, especially with how her Father betrayed the family paralleling how Fiora's father also tried to cheat his way to regain family honour.


 * As of now, there is no weight to any victory Martha attains in her story. She has this stereotypical "tragic backstory," but without much layer as to how tragic it really is. She is given an audience with the likes of and  (who I doubt would do so, as it is better if they remain rotten and keep Martha in their control without a respectable fight), only to defeat them like they are some "power ranger villains." You should focus less on glorifying Martha, and in this case justify why she wields Noire or any other weapon. Define who she is, not what bling she has to impress people; don't make her shallow with accessories, but deep with actual experience, skill and intellect.


 * Also, the "Summoner's Rift" does not exist anymore as a "battleground," so having her state in her lore piece "promising them they should face her some time in Summoner's Rift" does not make any sense, and breaks the forth wall too much. I believe these issues above prevail because of how old her concept is, and that she predates the retconning of the Institute of War. Pre-retcon was notorious for having outrageous battles, but with how League is going forward with legit lore that makes more sense and interconnects better, Martha's story should follow suit instead of making every other mentioned champion a puppet to her game.

Moving to quotes, as I mentioned on the discord, there needs to be a balance between serious, silly and personality quotes. However, with Martha, the serious and silly quotes are extreme, as they respectively seem like copy-paste scripture and online memes that may or may not be of your preference. As the same with her bio, I would aim to solidify what is her personality, veering away from jokes and much2serious quotes until you have a solid and unique personality going for both Martha & Noire. As of now, Noire is too much of a staple "female demon spirit" while Martha has nothing going as she has a little something from other champions (she likes to fight, is a little haughty of her strength, etc.).


 * Checking the "Other" category too though... I find some misinformation. Noire does not feel like a Guru, just your typical companion spirit with some experience, which is seen in both live champions and custom champions alike. "Noire" only means "black" in French, not "Black Beast" (which would be "bête noire"). I noticed wrestling quotes, but the trivia makes me wonder why you make the connection when Martha herself has no relation to wrestling in theme. AS for ... there does not exist a Guy Fawkes mask in the LoL universe; another example of breaking the fourth wall, maybe a bit too much in this case in that it makes Martha too much of a joke than a serious character.

As for her kit, there are some guidelines. I won't cover everything (except for hte passive, which has caught my attention), but be warned that the kit is riddled with some issues. If I sound harsh, I apologize. I am trying to write without being too hard on you. Just take it that some of the problem in the kit feel elementary, when it may not be so for you.
 * As already observed in the passive, you have added stat scalings to many stats. However, I recommend against adding so many where unnecessary. This is the case with the with-weapon mode of having based scalings to,  and . The first is an issue as you increase offense through defense; it isn't inherently bad, but it can become out of hand if the scalings get too high (scalings should not be insignificant either for "balance" purposes). The latter two though are an issue, as it proposes "double-scaling": By gaining  you don't just boost the total you gain, but also the / you attain. Some champs have these elements, but it's typically limited so it does not plague a kit.
 * Turret specific mechanics are nice, but to have a whole secondary state based on "am I hit by a turret or not" is a bit too unusual. I would rethink this "defensive stance," or moreso find something else that defines better who Martha is. I presume though that you left out details in other abilities that would place her in defensive mode.
 * The "Side Effects" are overcompensations, and follow the trend that has happened with : gate the gains, but instead channel it to something else. This has been a corner-cut way of stat conversions, and would never advise allowing any champ to not gain health or health regen.
 * Overall, this passive is bland in creating a changed form, as all Martha really gets are stat conversions. You iterate that this is the way to show Martha's ways as learnt from Noire, but it doesn't feel fluid or natural. I would advocate for not going for "stances" and something where Martha is wielding her weapons well; if she is a great fighter, the player should not dictate how good or bad Martha is based on landing skillshots ( already fills this spot of rewarding skill by catching stuff). Also, don't leave it to "luck," even if in quotations =_=
 * Q and that on-kill refresh. Channel time to increase damage... and more. I recommend simplifying this ability, as there is just much too much going on with just throwing a knife. This is the Q ability, which should be used for damage. But because of all the delays, it's too wonky to use, in both forms. This is especially because of the flavourful "slower AS" effect. Does have reduced  after he  his axe? No he doesn't, so no need to play to realism unless it creates a creative and/or balanced mechanic.
 * Also, notes such as "Compared to Widow Strike, Wasp Strike is slower, more expensive, less damage..." should be placed outside the ability description, not in it.
 * W off-toggle would ensure that Martha takes this at level 1. Having no at all is a serious issue, and until fixed will make W mandatory for this off-toggle alone. In the first place, a champion should not be obligated to take one ability as the first choice if they have three (Q, W, E) to chose from. The only ones who do  have unique kit reasons to have limited ability options (Azir needs his Sand Soldiers, and Zilean cannot use his  at rank 1 anyways). All other champions are giving a choice to build their abilities in whatever way they find suitable, but are not forced because of lack of stats to chose one over another. You may choose  for  to get the best of the ability's passive, but it is not critical for him to get it at rank 1 to survive lane; some people get  for lvl 1  or  to deal some good early game magic damage.
 * The on-toggle itself though is another problem, as Martha grants too powerful effects of both offensive and defensive nature. When a champ has an offensive-defensive capability, it only affects themselves. Having 20 - 40% bonus damage and 10 - 20% Damage reduction are two powerful factors, and having no HP5 isn't enough of a downside for Martha. And don't go making more crutches for having this ability on: this effect needs a rework, as I find that this is more about theme and has no balanced element atm.
 * "Martha learned how to phase through a wall by herself." You sort of make me laugh, since there is no indication of any magical origins of Martha herself. Magic? Maybe, but to just give her wall-phasing predating her joint with Noire is far fetched atm.
 * As an ability, you state off the bat that it is meant to cleanse CCs... and I find that to be sordid as a reason. I wouldn't just give a champion something so that they can get out of sticky situations, but instead make the kit flavorful to their theme. Sure, Martha may be someone who can get rid of CCs, but does that make her kit fun or unique? I would argue against that. Her dash is moreso a blink, and you have it be different because of flavour of stances. I would aim to make this a different kind of dash than placing all of the baggage on it due to flavour.
 * There is a reason not gain a stacking effect for his  gains. While there are other champions with infinite scaling effects, the infintie element typically affect one part of their kit. However, I do find that it's a good thing that no champion can infinitely stack, as auto attacks of all things could become one-shot without any ability enhancements or the likes.
 * The active effect is another transformation, which leads to having "add-on" effects than creative abilities that express skill or fantasies. Of course, they should not be made, but Martha here doesn't gain much in mechanics, and has a style duration. Oh, that  effect is nothing more than superfluous and for the sake of helping . I advise to remove that.

Overall, Martha looks like she could be another version of (a great warrior of some kind with a Darkin partner) but has some issues in both theme and kit. Her thematics are over glorified, and would be fine if this were to be a comic book story. But for a thematically deep universe that League of Legends has become, she is lacking in personality, a straightforward theme and proper background. As for her kit, there are a lot of loose bolts and whatnots, but the major issue may be that you focused too much on abiding to her theme and create abilities that are not as enticing or balanced to be fitted to the game. I may be overcritical for both areas, but as of now, I am not that much impressed. If anything, glad to see original art being used for icons :3