User blog comment:Johnarch77/Eires the Corrupted Angel (Champion Concept Reworked)/@comment-3391671-20170831024208

Finally found the time to get around to Eires. Busy busy busy.

Now, unlike my usual reviews, I'm going to remain short on this one, seeing that you have received ample thoughts from others below. But I've also made this decision because of what is to come: my opinion about the theme.

A theme can make or break a concept. Sometimes, even if someone doesn't like it, it can be agreed if the idea can be worked on or not. Then there is cultural dissonance, where someone from one part of the world will prefer one thing, while another from a different end of the world hates that very same thing; not because of any subjective reason, but because they were raised on different backgrounds. This is why there are people who prefer voice acting of different languages.

The reason I bring this topic up is that I, contrary to the other two below, am not entirely interested in the duo here. The reason may attribute to the overdone theme of angel/fallen angel/demon over the last year. I am not attempting to attribute this to how League already has, and , but I believe that sadly, Eires and Sugaek do not explore the idea enough for them to be unique apart from other attempts I've seen thus far.

Then there is the approach to how Eires has become who she is now. The first point I would like to mention is how easily Eires was taken over by Sugaek. I'm not entirely fond of the "caught off guard" approach, when the pattern is foreseeable with phrases such as "X thinks Y won't resist." Especially when nothing more is done to draw out the supposed struggle or fight, these changes to the tide of battle lack impact and feel like the characters purposely dropped their guard so that the story can go on. When they drop their guard in such a manner, for me, it weakens their character, making them a little more hollow in who they are supposed to be (in this case, some kind of angel). Getting the plot to move with such devices is something I've seen done in writing often, when authors cut corners to advance said plot. Just know though, I too have made, and still make, such errors from time to time, and do my best to spot them so that they can be fixed.

The second point lies more in insufficient content in the story. In stories, I don't mind seeing characters such as "the deceptive old hag who tricks the main character." However, there is a lack of content in how the deception occurs with Eires, making this witch too much of a tool than an actual character. If Eires really resolved to die, then she shouldn't hand that sword over so easily, even in light of someone saying that they have a cure. Eires should think about the situation, and you as the author should write her out based on what emotions she should be feeling. Is she so anxious to find the cure? Then why did she already decide to die? Why didn't she doubt the words of this witch, who words sound too good to be true? By asking these questions, you allow characters in a story to be more believable, and in some case humans, thus relatable on some scale.