User blog comment:Armegdon/Amandien -/@comment-82.59.201.121-20121218122219

Good read, would remove the comma at the beginning after the very first thus and would rewrite the sentence "she lived with her mother and sister, Madeline, and despite..." Apart from that it's fluid and well written. I think you should strengthen her bond with Viks, though, since he does replace her family; that way his "betrayal" would come at a more personal level. I don't mean that you should make them lovers; he should be more of a fatherly figure for her.