Tahm Kench

Lore
The River King= Into a sunken town, the ran. For he owed gold and blood, and yet had none to spare. Desperate and forlorn, he was about to change his path and walk away, when he heard a song that called on him, to change his luck again.

Now the singer was a creature, with the biggest mouth the Gambler had ever seen. "Excuse my song," the monstrous siren said. "The tune's purpose was your attention. For I knew you had troubles and I can offer absolutions."

"Can you carry me from this bind?" the youth asked.

"Boy, the world's one river and I'm its king. Ain't no place I ain't been. Ain't no place I can't go again. ...And the price is a minuscule thing. See, I got hungers that ain't easily fed. But those finest tables? They ain't never got a seat for me. So I need men, like yourself, to let me in."

Now the Gambler's only hunger was dice and cards. So this bargain? It seemed too easy a price. "If you're offering a ticket," the youth finally said. "That's a deal I will take." And before another word was spoke, the monster snapped him up and fled.

The a faraway land the Gambler was conveyed. At a palance of chance, he was left.

Years passed. And love the Gambler found. His : a princess. And the wedding? None would miss.

Now when that hungry beast finally did arise: the family screamed and fought. And although the Gambler tried to cast him out... it ates the gifts, and house, and gold! For its hunger? Nothing satisfied.

"Please, now noww, not this time!" the bride did cry.

The beast's response? To her it purred, "This hunger's a burder but it's the last time I swear. So please, forgive."

Now the creature's lies, so melodic and sincere, charmed that bride. And thus she failed to recognize when that demon's jaw unhinged. She screamed, just once. As I snapped her bones and crushed her limbs! Now that meal? It left me satified. So cry if you want boy, 'cause you had a chance to walk away. Instead you're the foold, the fool who let me in.

Teasers
"And that about encapsulates the contents of this patch. For those of you struggling to keep up in your "games of League, we're always striving to ensure you won't be stuck up the river without a paddle. That said, if conventional means don't work, be careful who you call when seeking help; there's all sorts of things out there, preying on the wishes of desperate people. Mope, and you mope alone - laugh, and the world laughs with you. Or so they say."

- Chris "Pwyff" Tom and Patrick "Scarizard" Scarborough.