User blog comment:Qtcsantos/Barang/@comment-3391671-20180125051606

Hmm... did a nice quick read for Barang, and to say the least I am intrigued. Take it as a compliment, even if not a fully positive one, as there are some concepts that look fun, but lack potential by being either overly done tropes or beyond ideal by the content creator's scope. Here, Barang remains tame, but at the least feels like she can do something visually that hasn't been done by others. They may overlap such as 's tribal feel and 's use of an animal/insect to feed on enemies (which will change in his VGU), but that's no matter for now.

I won't go deep into the kit, as I believe someone else may be able to give better advice on that, but I wished to point out a few things on the narrative/thematic side.
 * First, here is a somewhat improved version of Mamababarang's description. I assumed you aren't entirely native to English, but if I am wrong, I apologize:
 * In legends, the mambabarang (also known as the Insect Shaman) keeps their swarm of carnivorous beetles in a bottle or a section of bamboo, carefully feeding them ginger root. When the practitioner decides to employ their dark art, they perform a prayer ritual wherein he whispers instructions and identifies the victim to the beetles. The destructive insects are then set free, seeking out their target. Once they reach their victim, they gain entry into the body through any opening possible, be it the nose, mouth, ears, etc. As a result, as the beetles manifest in their host, the victim will feel the effects of the invasion in where the beetles had entered: wounds will become blistering if from open scars and cuts, a severe ear ache if through the ears, and other similar cases. The resulting illness is supposedly resistant to conventional medical treatment. The true nature of the illness is only revealed once the victim has succumbed, leaving a corpse behind with the beetles soaring out of the bodily cavity. Truth in reality, there exists carnivorous beetle that lay eggs in the corpse of another insect it has killed, and the eggs would then hatch post-mortem.


 * Second, the abilities shouldn't be filled with so much flavour text. By flavour text, I refer to explaining "dealing magic damage" as "sending beetles into the body, infesting the inside, thus dealing exorbitant magic damage." If you want to explain how these abilities look or act, then you can explain them in a separate section after or before the ability itself. By separating these two aspects, readers can tell clearly the mechanics of the ability.
 * Formatting wise, I also noticed in the innate the break in the description when listing the and . I advise that you have the descriptive paragraph intact as one proper paragraph, and then list all the stats. As you notice on champion pages, a slowing damage ability will typically not go "This ability slows.... this ability also deals damage" unless the two parts of the ability have different interactions.
 * Check out this guide if you haven't already. Even if you have, there may be a few things more than can be learnt, although I know the guide is more about "starting up a new blog" than "how to make the best content." That's a blog I would like to release in the near future. Nonetheless, while I don't mean to say that this page is unclean (better off than when a content creator pastes in blocks of texts with no line-breaks), it could be improved to what is already seen on champion pages.

I'll hopefully be back to give more feedback on the kit, but for now, ciao.