User blog comment:ViciousWombat/Phobos/@comment-3391671-20170118223125/@comment-3391671-20170119070123

I'll be assessing Phobos's parts (his kit and lore) individually, since the former is more about its mechanics and the latter is the theme. I will discuss in the lore critique how well the backstory is embedded into the abilities.

Abilities
Before going any further, I'll state that you shouldn't add too much flavour text into the ability descriptions. Not that we do not care what kind of design you want certain abilities, but they simply bloat the ability description.
 * With a swift skim of the abilities and seeing the stats, Phobos does exemplify a Fighter/Tank build, especially a likely juggernaut although with some ranged capabilities with his abilities. The stats themselves don't step out of their bounds, aside from a few nitbits.
 * Although there was a time champions did have 200 melee range, they removed that along the way, making 175 the maximum default range for melee. There could be exceptions, but I'm feeling picky in seeing that 200 range.
 * MR is 32.1 (+1.25) or 30 flat. For Phobos, raise that base to 32.1.
 * Movement speed is missing.
 * Innate: So an innate that negates bonus attack speed aside from growth, granting increased instead. I will say that as a mechanic, this is bland, since  basically has the same kind of innate, except with more flair.
 * Q: This ability reminds me of, which may be helped by how there are his icons here and there. But I am much bothered by the range of this ability and how the mechanics work. If this ability was , the divide between the and  would make sense. But with 700 range... what is causing the stun at 350 to 700 range? There is also the fact that the cone width is missing.
 * The base damage is also worrisome to me. Even with that delay, the base damage is rather high.
 * W: This ability is a skillshot, but also causing Phobos's basic abilities to be disabled. Phobos does gain bonus attack speed. However, there is a lot of information missing, such as the max duration, how he exhibits this aura, etc. Peopel can take guesses, but as the content creator, you need to be clear about what the ability does.
 * Make sure scalings are linear (or exponential) to display a clean looking kit. The 20 / 50 / 90 / 120 / 150 is somewhat awkward.
 * E: There is an issue with this ability in that it grants a possibly massive amount of healing. While it may seem like losing 30% of one's resistance is meant to be part of counterplay, I wouldn't call it healthy to receive healing just by taking lots of damage. The amount of resistance gained too is also a bit over the top, and also isn't much flavourful.
 * R: This is another skillshot that also features a blink that would suit an assassin-secondary better, not a tank-secondary. I do need a clarification though about how the pull works, since Phobos is already close to the target.
 * Aside from that, this isn't much of an exciting ult, as it's feels like a modified version of Phobos's W.　It is not impactful enough.

before moving onto criticizing the backstory, I want to connect the theme you had given Phobos to the kit. Phobos is the Enraged Zealot. A dedicated follower in the steps of who wields this powerful hammer in the name of her dead sister. But this kit doesn't embody that enraged feeling. Yes, he tosses the hammer in a way a man in their right mind wouldn't do, but he isn't smashing and crashing like such. He also wears armor that makes him supposedly invincible, but his E does not give the same feel. This could just be because the kit needs more flavour, but I wanted to let you know that there felt a loose end between the two.

As for the lore itself now, I notice that you still need to brush up on writing stories. I won't say much further, since that would just become me being over critical of someone who is likely not entire well versed in writing stories, but it does hamper my opinion of Phobos.

The idea of a zealot is interesting nonetheless, as there are champions who are similar to religious fanatics such as and, but Phobos is the definite "insane" end of the scale here. I would advise searching for plot holes & plot armor, and clean them away since those two items can harm a story if abused too much. We want a powerful sounding character, but not just someone who is simply "I throw hammer and kill." Something more detailed. More descriptive. More enthralling should describe how far Phobos has gone as rage has consumed his heart.

I am also rather skeptical about having the sister's spirit in the hammer. Right when she fuses (?) with the hammer, she even states "why have you become such a murderer." If this is her will, then why does she continue being a part of the hammer and instead stop him directly? Being part of the weapon of his violence is contradictory to what she is as a character. This also causes Phobos to be an entire shallow character, which makes him a less credible champion compared to if he was simply insane with nothing to stop him.

I also complain that Aretha is mentioned in all of the abilities. I do not know what made you think it was a good idea, but naming all the abilities under the same title is entirely not interesting. "Oh, Aretha's might! Aretha's burden..." To me, it's almsot like you are throwing around Aretha's name, without actually treating her like an actual developed character.

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Much can be improved, but at the least, the kit does not go overboard and the theme of a zealot can be expanded upon. I look forward to any improvements you may make.